This is what coding is all about, searching and searching for that elusive bug and finally terminating it.

Coding is a strange game but one I do love. I hold a senior position at work and consequently I seem to be doing more of the things that don't including coding but this week I was neck deep into debugging. We've been trying to tack down a performance related bug way down in the comms layer and not haveing much luck. I was thinking that this coding caper runs you through an emotional rollercoaster. It started with frustration and self doubt about not being able to locate this persistent little creature. Next it was depression and the question of "Why am I doing this, I don't need it". After a bit of wallowing in the depression the "I can do this, it can't be that hard" kicks in and you try to pull yourself out of the depression pit. Hope and the light at the end of the tunnel is next and finally, finally the euphoria of success. That euphoria when the bug is finally nailed makes it all worth while and all the bad times seem like a distant memory.

I really do enjoy coding.

What kind of company do I want to create:

• Everyone should enjoy what they do, they should feel empowered by what they accomplish not belittled
• Flexible (family oriented)
• Work with like minded people
• No company politics
• Innovative
• enthusiastic coding environment

Think ThoughtWorks+37Signals = great place to work.

I've been reading and hearing bits and pieces of late and it's all resonating with me. Since the birth of my son my priorities have significantly changed and I can no longer work the hours I used to. A post by Andrew Stopford really clicked with me. The choice is to spend time with my child as he's growing up and being a big part of his life or continue to work the way I have been. There is no choice, my son wins hands down.

The difficult part for me at the moment is that I'm feeling ineffectual at work and guilty because I can't put in the hours I used to. The culture that I'm working in at the moment is one of if your seen to be putting in the long hours your doing your bit for the company irrespective of how effective you are. I've almost come to the conclusion that its time for a change at work as well. This is a little harder choice to make as the fear of not providing for my family scares me. I wish I could find an employer like 37 Signals, maybe its time to branch out on my own and create such a company.

I just had to post this, my five month old son. I adore this little person and cant imagine my life without him.

Frustration leads to blame and judgement. What was I frustrated about? Was it everyone's else inability to understand what I was saying or was it how I was saying it?.

I came across this great blog entry by Jean-Paul Boodhoo on how to introduce agile methods to your team. I especially liked his quote

"Stop blaming other people for your inability to introduce practices and strategies that will make your team more effective"

That's exactly where I was at, I was blaming everybody for not understanding. When I look at it it comes down to the mistakes I made. I was battling frustration and that affected my communication skills.

How do you deal with frustration? Like the blog entry said, "Focus on Small Victories". I've had victories and when I look back things have changed, maybe in small way and not as much as I would like, but they have changed. When my frustration gets to much I'll just have to remember the wins I have achieved.

The other problem is that I'm still learning what it means to be 'agile', in particular I'm struggling with the place of the functional specification. I look at the effort we've been putting into a functional spec (close to 2 months now) and wonder how much of the system we could have done in that time. I realize that you need to know what you're coding before you start but what's enough? I don't know the answer.

To introduce agile into a team environment it must be done in a way that encourages but not dictates. So its my job to lead by example, be a beacon if you will and try to focus on the positives. I must also remember that mistakes will be made on the way but that is how we learn. I think I'll finish off with a quote from Mark Twain:

“Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.”

Over the last year or two I've learnt alot. It's been a broad learning experience as well. It has seen the birth of my son, the death of my father and changes at work. Its made me realize that if there is something you want to do then you might as well do everything you can to make it happen. Its all about the journey and what you learn along the way.

Before parenthood life used to be so easy but now its alot more complicated. The time before kids the only thing that I had to worry about was me, my decisions only affected me. Now I've become alot more unsure about the decisions I do make, they affect alot more people now. I guess all I can do is make the best decision I can and realize that making mistakes is how we learn. 

My father's (actually my step-father) death affected me like nothing I've gone through before. It made me question what I was doing. He was the sort of person who followed his dreams and everything he did was a step closer to that goal. I looked at my life and thought "Where am I'm going". The answer was nowhere. I either didn't have a goal to chase or didn't know what I wanted, I had to answer that question. I was almost at the point of giving software development away, but I do enjoy developing but at that point in time I hated it. I started reading blogs and found that there were people out there who were passionate about software. Reading others' thoughts and views on different topics made me realize that the only way to get out of the rut I was in was to start to do something, anything. This is where this blog comes in. I'm going to use this forum to get my thoughts and passions out there, be a part of the community instead of isolating myself.

Who knows I might even be able to improve my writing skills  ;)

So there it is, short and sweet.